The Public Victory- The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens

Part III- The Public Victory 

This section marks the beginning of the second half of the journey. 

Relationship Bank Account 

In part II, Covey talked about the PBA (Personal Bank Account). The RBA (Relationship Bank Account) behaves in a similar fashion, where positivity is a deposit and negativity is a withdrawal. The key difference being that, as the name suggests, the relationship bank account runs on the connections with other people. This means that rather than having just one or two accounts like a typical bank account, a new RBA is opened whenever meeting someone new. Another important difference is that deposits and withdrawals are not created equally. Withdrawals have a greater effect on the bank account and often take many deposits to recover from. I remember a discussion that one teacher (I forgot who) in high school had with the class about trust, and how it takes much more effort to gain it back than break it down, which is exactly what the author is conveying. 

The RBA really makes sense to me because I’ve experienced it firsthand, and I can draw from my memory and see how everything Covey says about it is true.

Habit 4- Think Win-Win

Habit 4- think win-win is a common piece of advice that I've heard here and there, but this chapter really helped me grasp it well. It begins with Covey’s experience with “the forced curve” grading policy, where the bottom 10 percent of each class would flunk. The system influenced him to keep his brightest ideas to himself rather than to share during study groups. It was an example of win-lose thinking, which is another outlook, and it’s something I can relate to. In addition to win-win and win-lose, there's also lose-win and lose-lose. Metaphorically speaking, the win-lose thinker is the doormat. They get stomped on and get wiped on as people come and go. Literally, they are the easy people in life. They allow others to overwrite their feelings. However, Covey says it's not all that bad. It is a tool to be utilized in, for instance, disputes. The fact that lose-win can be used sometimes but isn’t always the right step, I feel, is an important thing to remember. And last (and probably least), lose-lose can be summed up in a single quote from the chapter. “If I’m going down, then you’re going down with me, sucker.” It’s something I’ve consciously avoided. 

One more thing of note from this chapter is the tumor twins: comparing and competing. Competition, Covey says, can be extremely healthy. However, there’s a point where competing becomes so important that your self-worth is tied to it, and that’s when it becomes detrimental. Competing and comparison are similar, except that there is no good that comes from comparison with others. Comparison is something I think is prevalent in teens, especially with competitive schools nowadays. It is a hard habit to break in today's world, and knowing this can be beneficial for all teens.

Question: Who do I think is a model of win-win? (162)

Answer: I don't know

 Habit 5- Seek First to Understand then to be Understood

“Before I can walk in another’s shoes. I must remove my own”  is what’s written to kick off the 5th habit- seek first to understand then to be understood. It’s another metaphor and has the same meaning as what habit 5 is all about. Covey creates a scenario, where someone is trying to buy a new cellphone, and the salesman insists on having them buy the best-seller, totally disregarding the person’s needs. I remember having a similar experience. I used to get dry eyes every day, and after using eyedrops for a while hadn’t had any effect, I asked an eye doctor about it. He told me to just get stronger eyedrops which is what I had been doing, and when I told him about it, he shrugged it off. It wasn’t that big of a deal because the issue resolved itself later, but I understand that it was a withdrawal from the RBA. In contrast, an example of when people do use habit 5 is about anorexic college freshman. Rather than scolding her like the rest of her inner circle, they acted normally, and seeked to understand before being understood.  

The five poor listening styles include: spacing out, pretend listening, selective listening, word listening, and self-centered listening. Personally, I’m guilty of all of these. Pretend listening in particular, but I think that recently I’ve been growing out of this habit. Sometimes, after my mom finishes a speech, she asks me a question regarding what she was talking about, but I can’t find an answer because of the poor listening habits. This is a withdrawal from the RBA. It ties in with habit 5 in that you can’t seek first to understand if you aren’t a good listener. It’s something I’ve caught onto sometimes from teenaged peers, so I think they can benefit from this habit, too. One positive listening style, on the other hand, is genuine listening. Only 7% of communication is contained in the words, a whopping 53% in body language and the remaining 40% in the tone of your voice. I don’t think I ever picked up on how little just the words signify, but I think now that the knowledge is there, I will be a better listener. 

Question: Poor listening style I struggle with the most? (180)

Answer: Pretend listening 

Question: Person who could benefit from my feedback? (180)

Answer: People who weak at math 

Habit 6- Synergize 

This chapter begins with a real-life example of the benefits of habit 6- synergy. It stood out to me because it perfectly describes what synergy is meant to be, “when two or more people [or animals] work together to create a better solution than either could alone.”, while showing how universal the 7 habits are. If it’s unclear what I’m talking about, the example is how geese fly in groups. They utilize a scientific principle called updraft, that allows them to fly 71% further as a pack rather than in isolation.  

There are three outlooks you can have on diversity: shunner, tolerator, and celebrator. They can also be considered as levels, where each one is closer to synergy than the previous.  The shunner hates diversity, the tolerator allows diversity, and the celebrator values diversity. I think that depending on circumstances, celebrator and tolerator belong on the same plain. There isn’t much too celebrate when it comes to skin colour. However, when it comes to skill sets, differences are indispensable.  

For the styles, traits, and characteristics exercise, I was identified as a melon. After reading the traits of each fruit, I think that it aligns with me the most out of all of them.  

The Getting to Synergy Action Plan is a five-step process to achieving synergy.  

It’s something I can see being important to remember that can be applied in team situations, such as in sports and projects, which are very popular among students worldwide today.

Question: Positive attributes of someone who irritates me? (202)

Answer: n/a

Question: Openness to diversity in each category? (202)

Answer: Race: tolerator, gender: tolerator, religion: tolerator, age: tolerator, dress: celebrator